During the first few months of this year I was struggling with isolation and sketched some designs I liked to call fishbowl heads. For the last few years I’ve neglected my art, having random spurts of inspiration just to get bored and uninspired after popping out a couple paintings. I was in a very low place and felt like I couldn’t really communicate what I was feeling and no one could understand me when I tried. It was like living life with my head in a fishbowl- there was a bit of communication and understanding, but not enough. So my vent art was born! XD I recently started to experiment with digital art and I’ve been vastly improving with each drawing. I’ve mainly been uploading and tracing over my old traditional sketches just to see what I could do without the limits of my very small collection of traditional materials. I decided to recreate these fishbowl head pieces and share them. It’s been very therapeutic and I’ve found joy in art once again. More to come!
Fear is a strange thing- people can be afraid of deep waters or heights or other things that have logical reasoning behind them and can be explained, and then there are fears that seem silly like being afraid of the Doctor, or thunderstorms, or being in large crowds. The thing about fear is, no one knows exactly why they’re afraid of these things, they just know that whenever they have to face their fears, all they want to do is run and hide. Those are physical fears- things are you can see or touch or smell. The thing that scares me- what terrifies me the most- is intangible. It’s a thought, a possibility, an uncertainty. I can’t run and hide from my fear- it will only make things worse. The thing I fear the most are the “what ifs” in life.
You know how you have all these plans and ideas of what you want your future to be and how it’s going to go? It’s the uncertainty of all that that terrifies me. What do you do if nothing goes the way you planned in your future? Mom and dad can’t get you out- you’re on your own. There’s nothin that ensures that the future you want is going to happen for you except the amount of effort you put into your education and the grades you get. Think about it- to get a job that’s actually going to pay the bills and be enough to have a livelihood requires certain qualifications such as education and training. The only way anyone will take you seriously in the workplace is if you’ve been to college and gotten the required education and training. Well the only way to get into the right college is to work your butt off in high school so that they’ll notice your impeccable grades and work ethic and want you at their school- something that few high schoolers today either understand or care about. That basically means you have to study all the time and be a brilliant student and understand everything they want you to know, but will most likely never use again in your life. You can’t have a social life now, in the time you’re developing socially the most, if you ever want the future you’ve hoped and wished for. Well here’s where the “what ifs” play in.
You’ve graduated the college of your dreams and now you’re looking for work. But what if no one will publish that book you worked on for years, or what if no one wants you on their sports team? What if your artistic abilities aren’t unique enough for anyone to appreciate your art? What if you can’t open that restaurant you’ve dreamed of owning because your cooking isn’t good enough? What if the thing you just worked on for four years or more is no longer a service or job anyone wants you to perform? What if nobody thinks that one thing you love to do and have done most of your life is enough? Then what happens? What do you do? And what if you don’t even get that far? What if something horrible happens to you before you even get out of college? What if you don’t even get into college because your grades weren’t enough for any of the colleges you applied to? What if you can’t even afford any of the colleges you get into? What if technology becomes advanced enough that a machine can do your dream job now? The “what ifs” are endless and the terrifying thing is they’re all possibilities.
I won’t be sure if the thing I love is going to pull me through life until I get that job I’ve dreamed of and wanted for years. This is what scares me the most, and I can’t run away from it.
Why do I not buy makeup products from places like Walmart and Target? Let me tell you about this eyeliner right here.
It literally smells like a sharpie marker. Have you ever had a sharpie near your eyes? Even the fumes from it is enough to make mine water. I don’t think I want that lining my eyes all day.
I looked up a few of these ingredients and the most concerning ones are sorbic acid which can cause allergic reactions when it gets in the eyes or is ingested, BHT which is used in jet fuel and can cause liver damage (it’s also an additive used in food), methylparaben which increases risks of breast cancer when put in skin creams and damages the lining of the eye and cornea, and propylparaben which mimics estrogen and can cause imbalances in hormones and in extreme cases cause cancer.
I will never buy from Revlon again.
What I meant was Happy anniversary to Mystery Skulls Animated!
Because I just had to do something for this occasion. An entire year has gone by and I still love this music video. Thank you to Mystery Ben and Luis for making this music video a reality and for inspiring a community. Because of guys like you, I was able to meet some pretty cool people.
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Gaaah. Words are failing me yet again. Anyways, Happy Anniversary everyone!
Happy 1 year Anniversary you wonderful people! Thank you all so much for the beautiful art and support!
